Thoughts on.... From my journal on 11/20/11

From my journal on 11/20/11
My prayer, over small things made into large things.

"Lord, please forgive me for losing my peace over things that didn't even exist in your day. Be strong in me, decrease me; I yield my control over to you. Amen."

So when you are in the bush, most modern conveniences, if available, are limited. Power and the internet were two of these things. Looking back, I went through withdrawals. Reading my journal confirms this for me pretty well.

Once I was adjusted to having two hours or less of internet each day, and one go on the 4 hour computer battery, I was so much more FREE!

Once lesson planning was done, I still had time (sometimes).

I had hobbies again, I played the guitar (I even own one here in the States, and haven't touched it since June because I don't have a consistent practice time!), practiced the piano (they had some keyboards there), learned the recorder, made crafts with Nandry (daughter of the missionaries), and more.

I read like a thirsty person drinking from a deep well, and I was able to spend extended time in the Bible, praying, thinking, just...being.

I ran again. (More on that when it comes...in a few more posts.)

I felt so....alive!

Which begs the question: What was I, then, when I was here in the States?
Before I left, I was working two jobs, meeting with people every chance I had, doing lots of odds and ends preparing for Cameroon, and I fell asleep exhausted early into many mornings, still with a to do list a mile long. I was definitely surviving, but I would not recommend that as living for a long period of time!

As I look towards going back to Cameroon again, I am faced with my memories of that hard time just before I left. Suffice it to say that, whatever you believe about the Enemy, my experiences in that time made him very real to me, as he targeted every weakness, and many weaknesses of those closest to me when he couldn't get to me directly. It is only through God's great love that I made it through that challenging time, and the dedication of friends who believe in the calling on my life as much as (and sometimes more than) I do.

As I persevere in living a life of quietness and rest (not to say I don't work, but where work and rest both have their value and their place), I have to admit I am nervous about going through the pre-field time again. I still feel alive, and in touch with who I am in Christ. I listen to the part of me that will say, "Enough! No more for today!" and I go home, turning down social things if I need to rest.
I am praying that, as the time to return gets closer, that I will have enough advance notice that it will be able to be less intense.

The most important thing I have learned, I think, is that I must entrust the schedule, and the to do list, to God. He really can make sure that everything gets done, as long as I am obedient to listen for when I need to tackle the tasks I don't especially relish. If I commit to that, I will be able to get enough rest (both mentally and sleep), which will make me able to be more efficient and fully present in all of the other things.

So, then, it all boils down to trust, and giving up control. Which is also what got me through my initial adjustment to life in the rainforest of Cameroon. :-)

Until next time.

Thoughts on.... From my journal on 11/19/11

From my journal on 11/19/11
My prayer, in the midst of trying to adjust and feeling overwhelmed in a new (in every way) world:
"Lord, I need you to lead me. The enemy wants to steal my peace by keeping me distracted when I try to do too much. I will aggressively pursue peace here in Cameroon. Show me only what you want me to do here. Give me the freedom to do just and only those things, and free me from feeling guilty for not doing the things you do not call me to do. Amen."

My time in Cameroon was used to show my task-oriented self what a work-a-holic I was/am. It also illuminated my addiction to the pace of life in America.
Africa is slow - well at least it was in the rainforest of Cameroon.
Being in such a starkly different environment was like what I have heard drug withdrawals are like. And it was rough for a while as I made it my daily work to adjust to this new, other, different world. But then, one day, the withdrawals were over. And it was beautiful! I had time!
I had time to read my Bible. I had time to intercede and pray for friends and family. I had time to read for my general enjoyment and growth. I had time to be creative - it was SO WONDERFUL!
I have managed to cultivate most of those habits now that I am settled in back here at home. Still working on some aspects (like getting enough physical activity). But I have an awareness I never before had about my time.
Now that I am (and have been for a while) back in the States, I am glad that I cannot adjust back to American pace. And it is not just that I liked "African time" (like island time) because of my running late tendencies.
I actually get to most things relatively on time these days - because I don't say yes to everything anymore.
Before, when I was in the States, I had learned the value of saying no, and had used it some. But I still said yes to far too much, and was always stressed and usually late. I didn't give people the time and my undivided attention that they deserved, because I was checking off hang outs like tasks on a to-do list. Not that I didn't love my time with people, but I couldn't get out of that mindset.
It is funny now, because people are like, "Oh, when you aren't busy, let me know!"
And I try to tell them, "I am actually not busy at all. I am home a lot. I work some during the day, but I have a lot of availability generally."
It feels really good, really freeing to say that.
So, if you want to hang out, you know how to reach me. I am available. :-)

Day 180 - wrapping up

Well, I've been back a few days, and I feel like I am adjusting well. I have been able to meet with my accountability team and debrief with them, and spend some time with my mom. I've also been able to connect with a few familiar faces, some planned, and some unplanned. This life, I realize, is so different, but it is home, and I am sooo happy to be here.
I am ready to dig in here, and see what God has in store for this time.
I am still talking with my friends in Cameroon about coming back, so I will keep you posted!
I am so thankful for all that God has taught me in this season; truly it feels like, in part, that He pulled me away during this time to draw me closer to Him, and to grow and mature me in Him. I am so, so grateful for it all. What a great experience, and great friends made. I am so thankful.
So now, for the next chapter.... I'm excited for this ride.

Day 177/179 - May 8th/9th (Travel so it all blended together)

Coming Home Day!
Even after staying up wayyyyyy too late, I woke up at 7am. I got to spend some time with Nandry in the morning, and we played a little Uno, and then did some beading with our beach shells. We made some fun stuff! After some lunch, it was time to face the inevitable task of the final sorting and packing, and getting ready to go to the airport. I put on some good music, and got to work, and was done in enough time to have a few minutes of calm quiet before the storm.
Then it was time to get ready to go.
Younde has public running water, but it is not always so consistent. This is Africa we are talking about, but where we were staying, the CTC (Cameroon Training Center) run by Wycliffe Bible Associates, has a backup system of cisterns. Apparently they have been relying on it heavily in recent weeks, and so it, too, was very low. By the time I went to shower, the water was only coming out in a trickle. Thankfully, the Conrods are used to planning ahead for such situations, and Nathan had filled up a bucket as a backup the day before. So I was able to do what I needed to do. And by the time I was out (not very long) there was no running water left at all. Crazy. Later I found out I could have showered at the CMF Youth Hostel that my friends, Gord and Denise, run...they are so hospitable. :-) But I was clean before my 30+ hours of travel, so it all worked out. :-)
Anyway, after praying and saying our final goodbyes, I left for the airport with Nathan, who worked his way past the airport people and was able to help me with check in and baggage and stuff. I was so glad he was there, because they only had me ticketed through Brussels, and he helped when my bag weights were a little off balance. After talking with the airline people and a phone call, they got my ticketing and luggage tags straight, and it was time for my final goodbye!
All my flights were uneventful and ran mostly on time. I met and observed interesting people. I was able to access my gmail on my kindle in Brussels, which was a first for me and really cool! I had my first pear in 6 months in Brussels, and my first latte from Starbucks.

Just seeing the Starbucks logo was like a GIANT welcome home sign. :-)

I had more ticket troubles in Brussels, and had to have my boarding passes re-issued by United, rather than use those issued by Brussels Airlines. And they subjected us to the U.S. security questions (did you pack your bag yourself, etc.).
I managed to sleep on my first flight (during the night) and to stay up for most of my eight hour trans-Atlantic flight (departing at noon and arriving at like 2:30pm, that felt weird). I listened to part of an audiobook of the book Switch, which was REALLY interesting. And I watched a really compelling movie called Machine Gun Preacher. DISCLAIMER: It is rated R and for plenty of good reasons. That said, it is very "real" and very little is gratuitous. I have actually been to Kampala in Uganda, which they talk about in the movie, which was crazy for my brain. It really was a GREAT story, and is based on the true story of Sam Childers, which you can check out here. And then we were touching down in D.C.! I was ready to kiss the ground I was so excited to be back where I don't have to think about everything that I do in order to not make some social or other flub - it was like taking a giant sigh of relief! (I didn't actually kiss the ground; I had the presence of mind that it was not THAT clean, LOL) As I approached immigration with a giant grin on my face, a lady smiled at me who works at the airport, and asked, "U.S. Citizen?" I answered, "Yes!" And she smiled more and replied, "Welcome back!" Great moment. :-)
Customs and security was a dream, and I practically waltzed through, since I was running on excitement and adrenaline. And all the sights and sounds I had forgotted about! Like the automatic flushing toilets that always flush too soon...LOL In fact, here's a quick list I made:
Food smells, especially Wendy's fries and Five Guys (right by my gate!)
Auntie Annie's Pretzels
I didn't notice the AC immediately, but it snuck up on me :-)
Do-it-yourself vs. service (even on the plane) [related: the independence]
Personal space (mentioned on the plane by flight attendants...humorous)
sarcastic, playing humor (flight attendants)
U.S. security check points (it is so lax and disorganized and inconsistent in Africa)
Moving walkways
Safety warnings everywhere and on silly things
functioning escalators (they are actually motion activated in Brussels...smart!)
signage in English
faster wi-fi!

That's about it!
Once I got my coffee fix and online fix in D.C., it was time to board.
I was almost home! I started crashing, and dozed a bit, and then we started our descent!
I was greeted with flowers and a giant stop sign (if you have known me since the days of Axel and Gadget, you might know what I am talking about :-)) and lots and lots of hugs! My accountability team, mom, and cousin Megan were all there to greet me! I felt so loved! I was so tired I was half incoherent, but they helped me gather my bags and get them to the car.
I came home to my mom's to a wonderful steak, broccoli, and sweet potato dinner. Soooooo gooooooood.
And I was out by 10, up by 5. Is this night owl trying for early bird status? STRANGE..... :-)

Day 176 – May 7th

We all woke up before 7, and headed down to the beach for a last hurrah. We made a final sandcastle attempt, which started to go terribly wrong when the sand was too wet, all on its own! But Nathan saved the day, getting the largest part out of its bucket, and then it was SOLID. We managed to build a tower about three feet high or so. It leaned slightly, so we quipped that we made a model of the Tower of Pisa. After taking some pictures, we let Asher destroy it. He ran a kicked the base, which made the top part fall, but that solid bottom part took some significant effort from him to break it down. :-)
Then we played in the water, took more pictures, went up to clean up, pack up, have breakfast, and then... it was over. Back to reality. Back on the road. Back to Younde and being connected to the rest of the world.
Back at CTC (Cameroon Training Center – where we usually stay), Asher wasn’t feeling so hot, so I taught him to play Uno, since he wasn’t up to playing outside with Boaz and other kids around (like Joey who we know from SCA). He did pretty well, and Nandry played some, too. After dinner, he went to rest, but I played for a long time with Nandry and Boaz. We all did well and won a few hands, and I had them playing cut throat (my house rules from growing up) before it was all over (stacking draw cards). They even got to stay up a little playing, since Asher was already out.
I also showed them how you can make a tornado in a large bottle as you empty it (by spinning it) and then they were so fascinated that they were practically fighting over whose turn it was to refill the water reservoir bottle! Cracks me up.
I’m glad we had that time to just play, since I leave....TOMORROW!
It feels a little real. And also not. I have to repack a bit post beach tomorrow, but otherwise I am ready! I had a GREAT refreshing time at the beach – and now I am longing for home, and all the people and places that make it that. I’ll try to post before we are airport bound tomorrow afternoon, but if not, my next post may be from the States!

Day 175 – May 6th

I actually slept in, being on vacation and all. :-)
We went back to the far tidal pools today, as there were more people on the beach, but most didn’t venture where we were, so we still had that stretch to ourselves. I saw a gushing spring pouring out of rocks by the shore; it was SO COLD, and it made a little waterfall! I dared to try some of the water, and it was definitely spring-fed, fresh and cool. All among the rocks were more springs, tidal pools, and creatures – we were able to observe and catch fish, snails, and crabs. The boys made “resorts” for them in the little pools. Nandry and I caught two little brightly striped fish by damming off part of their pool, then getting them to swim into more and more shallow water.
Later, while we bodysurfed, the ocean grew almost as calm as a pool for about 30 or 40 minutes, and we saw fish jumping up out of the water, with the sun glinting off their scales!
After we collectively demolished an entire watermelon, we made another sandcastle attempt (#3 if you are counting). And... it began to rain. We covered part of it and played in the water, which was warm compared to the cool rain. But then lightning started, so we had to abandon it, and the rain knocked down the sentry towers. And boy did it storm! The power even went out for a while, but thankfully the hot water still worked, and it soon came back on. So we watched a movie (projectors and white walls are great) and later had dinner.

Day 174 – May 5th

After a yummy omelet breakfast and an earlier start, I had some quiet time before joining the Conrods down on the beach. I listened to a song by Hillsong (United?) called “Highest,” and it embodied perfectly where I was! Here are the lyrics:

Your love O Lord is like the oceans
Deeper than endless seas
Your faithfulness is like the mountains
And Your Word never fails

Chorus:
Glory to God
Let every heart sing
Glory to God
In the highest

Let us adore
Wonderful Saviour
Crown Him
Forever our King

I could picture the creation all around me as I listened to the song. So simple, and so powerful; I just left it on repeat for a while. :-) And then I went out into God's great creation!
Today I got good pictures of the tidal pool’s springs, and other interesting things [NERD ALERT] I saw weathering and erosion at work in several different ways. I saw LOTS of volcanic rock specimens, so I took pictures of many of them, and gathered a few, too, including some pumice stones. We explored some other tidal pools which are spring-fed, and they were FULL of little creatures who call them home. I loved observing them in their own little ecosystems.
Later we made attempt two at a sandcastle, but I didn’t get a picture of it, and really I ran out of time. We went up to clean up and eat lunch, and in the afternoon, we went to a wildlife conservation center (mostly primates). Two of the small monkeys actually escaped their enclosure, and I got to see them only about six or eight feet away! They are a species who are native to the area, though they are having trouble in the wild, so I guess if they had completely escaped it wouldn’t be as bad as into an area where there is no place for them. They eventually climbed back in, but can you imagine that happening in the States! Crazy! :-)
Then we ate at a popular local restaurant called the Hot Spot. It reminds me just a little of the Conch House in St. Augustine, FL. We ate facing the ocean, and could see at least a half dozen islands, some pretty close. We could also (strange juxtaposition) see an oil rig. I had HUGE shrimp (each one was at least two bites) with grilled veggies, dodo (Cameroonian for fried sweet plantains), and a soda I like called Djino. As the sun set, what a view, so magnificent!